No Get-together

       It is said that people falling in love are blind. That was why I tried my best to help Lynn to choose a best possible company during her secret job-hopping without realizing what would happen to me. Every time before she was going to have an interview with her prospective company, we would stay together studying all the information provided by the website of the company, and preparing all the issues the interviewer might be interested in. To ensure a successful interview, things such as the CV, clothes, etc have to be taken into elaborate consideration. After she CAMe back from an interview, every detail was flashed back to identify any room to improve. In short, I was just doing whatever I could to help Lynn sell her to the best possible company completely forgetting that I was simultaneously selling the happiest time I was enjoying.

Perhaps I was convinced by her frequently promise to keep in touch with me even when she worked for another company. Perhaps I believed that it was enough to have had such a joyful time with someone I faithfully loved. Perhaps I was the pious believer of the power of love. So many reasons can be found, but the only result was that Lynn had successfully switched to another company. Now she only had to deal with all the procedures within a month before she could start to work for her new company. Strangely enough, I was as happy and gay as ever before. Whenever possible I would assist her to complete all necessary transitional jobs. Even the receipt of her formal resignation emailed to the whole company failed to remind me of any significant changes that would occur soon.

Now I know the reason why I was so insensitive to what would happen soon: during the last month of her working for Yeah International, nothing seemed changed. After work we would as usual stay together enjoying every bit of happiness. Since the marvelous time seemed to be lasting endlessly, how could I imagine the meaning of her departure from me? A Chinese verse given to me by Lynn during the last week of her staying at Yeah International further blurred my comprehension. The verse reads

Untitled

A breeze knocked at my door

It reminded me of you once more

Whose gentle steps were as if just outside the wall

Bewildered, I glared at the dancing curtain

Whose merry rhythm teased my lingered and helpless passion.

Gone with the wind

So many people, so many things

That had diSAPpeared from my life without trace

Before I could turn back and recall

Only you, standing there

Were, are, and will be for ever

What an enriched life

If a guy is concerned and yearned by their love

Who has colored the daily routines

What a sort of happiness

If the guy is spoiled and doted by their darling

Who has enriched the colorless living

       What a poor guy I was on that rainy Sunday when Lynn was going to leave Yeah International: I just asked one of my friends to drive his car to help her move all her belongings to her new company still unable to completely recognize what her departure meant to me. Only when all her personal belongings were put to their places in her new dorm and it’s time for me to come back, I began to read the meaning of the rain outside the car window. Thanks to the rain, imprinted in my heart is this rainy Sunday, one of the unforgettable days of my calendar.

(To Be Continued)

An Unapproachable Letter

       After the unexpected telephone conversation we had a better understanding with each other. Regular dates followed. We often stayed together after work enjoying the time that only belonged to us. It’s surprisingly wonderful when we are staying with our beloved ones because even chores like cooking have their superb charms. Now the world was only willing to present its best side to us. Work, study, and pastime were seamlessly formed into a consummate and perpetual happy cycle. The air was filled with sweet, merry and brisk musical notes, the day was sometimes sunny like a paradise, sometimes rainy like the mysterious romance itself, the night was the cradle of love, sometimes accompanied by the intimate whispers of the stars twinkling in the dark sky, sometimes painted by the silver moonlight. I was just on the top of the world.

       But all of the wonderful occasions were masked into a fancy ball. Romantic and mysterious the dancers might be, the audience couldn’t tell who’s who. Additionally, flying on the top of the world might be stimulating and marvelous, I, the pilot who was flying in the sky, was beginning to feel a bit unstable. So I wanted to make a soft landing to fuel. At the same time I didn’t like my plane of the romance was fixed on the ground unable to rocket into the sky again.

       Several days later, I wrote Lynn an email asking to formalize our relations, for I just couldn’t help attempting to do something to surface our relations that would then be called the romance proper. I had thought of telling her directly while we were together. But the fear of her possible embarrassing refusal prevented me from making such an attempt.

       The next day Lynn didn’t give me any answer. The only feedback from her was that the WinPopup now refused to inform me of anything about her. The day was beginning to become dim, even the jobs started to bother me. After work the rule of her inviting me to share supper with her was cut short. I dare not call her. After having supper at the canteen of the company, I went back to my dorm, shut the door down, and switched on the TV to try to fill the emptiness that had intruded me immediately after a sense of loss hovered over my head.

       I didn’t know how I managed to kick off that horrible day. I only remember that Lynn finally emailed me her answer, an unapproachable letter, in which she told me that perhaps she was not the sort of girl I liked. That I could find other girls better than her. Of course I felt absolutely diSAPpointed, but I didn’t want to let all the things happened during the past one or two months go with the wind.

       Then, how could I move out of the standstill without losing my face? I thought hard; the following letter was then emailed to her.

After having read your letter, I don’t wanna make any comments. Your reaction is not out of my expectation. You needn’t to give me detailed explanations. Everything is comprehensible if you're honest to yourself. Just do whatever you think is appropriate. Nothing can be absolutely right or wrong.

You'll be given enough time to make your own decisions independently. Don't think the possible answer "NO" will knock me down. I'll be expecting your decision, but will not be waiting idly for your granting of my proposal. As we know, all of us are dying for understanding and comprehension, but if it can't be found, we should still be strong enough to live on.

But, if I'm of any help, don't hesitate to turn to me. Anyhow, I don't wanna lose a source of help. Therefore, don't get too nervous when I come up to you. You don't need to build a wall to separate you from me. Therefore, let’s say “Good luck to you” but don't haste to say goodbye, for we have been good friends after all.

With the letter as a go-between, that happy cycle was resumed, though Lynn never simply promised me the simple word “YES”. Later I realized that to win the simple word from a girl, most of men like me have to convincingly become her “Your Everlasting Server”, only then she will say, ‘Yes, I will.”

(To Be Continued)

6

“I began to feel tired of this sort of life that had demonstrated by some of my friends who got married and were starting to busy themselves in raising children and cooking, etc. I was young. I really didn’t like my life was molded like this so soon. I got lost. Then someone told me that taking the graduate exams would be a good opportunity to make a change. So I was preparing them for half a year. When I was about to take them, I was heard that taking the civil servant exams would be a better turning point in life. It was just like the college entrance exams, the narrowest foot log of the time crowded by so many people who were expecting a paradise on its other end. Just eager to make a change, I sat for the exams. Fortunately I was matriculated by the local revenue bureau, one of the privileged governmental organizations.”

“But when I was about to work for the local revenue bureau, I was beginning to worry about the complicated and subtle relations existed in the organization. They were much stickier to tackle than those existed in the company I was working for. For a girl like me it might be difficult for me to survive in such a battle of human relations. This was not because I was unable to tackle them, but because the cost of waging such a battle was so dear that I couldn’t afford. I began to doubt whether I was right to have taken the exams. Anyhow I had to find a way out. Guangdong, or rather the Pearl Rival Delta, the promising land of the time caught my eyes. Maybe it was where I could find something I was looking for, though I didn’t know exactly what it was.

“After hard struggles, I’d determined to go to Guangdong to pursue a new life. When people around heard of this, they said that I was silly, even could be called a sheer fool. Probably they were right in a sense. But I don’t regret about my decision because now I have more freedom to do what I want. I am a free guy now, for if I don’t like working at a certain company, I can go to the talent market to find another one. In addition to this, I don’t need to pay too much attention to other things I don’t like, though I can’t completely ignore them.”

“Yeah, I think you were right when you decided to go to Guangdong, for if not, how can we have a talk now? Oh, it’s only a joke. But Guangdong is undoubtedly a place where everyone can find their place they belong to. Incidentally, Yeah International is the first company you work for when you CAMe to the Pearl Delta?”

“No, I first found a job in Zhuhai where I stayed for about one year. Yeah International is the third company I have worked for. All of them are foreign invested companies. Their work styles, corporate cultures are entirely different from those of the state-owned companies. At those companies work and life are more exciting and colorful than before. I also like all the challenges encountered, only that I’m a bit afraid of my English. By the way, how have you learned your English so well?”

“Well, first I don’t think my English is that good. But I have something to say about how to improve our English. For example, a girl was once chased by a boy who was riding a bike along the street for several minutes only to see what the English word was on the back of her T-shirt. As long as you’re as crazy as that, your English will be okay.”

“Really? You are talking about yourself? Were you really interested only in the English word, not her?”

“Well, that’s a secret, but she was virtually attractive enough to distract me.”

We just talked on and on frequently changing our topics that just came to our mind. To our surprise, when the conversation came to an end, it was already two o’clock in the morning!

(To Be Continued)

An Unexpected Phone Conversation, the Romance Courier

Since nearly every romance has an “I love you without first letting you know” beginning, I’d decided to carefully water the budding romance between Lynn and me. Naturally this was only my secretly cherished expectation and belief that had not been authorized by her neither explicitly nor implicitly. But luckily she seemed reluctant to nip it in the bud. To make things better than I expected, with mutual prudent and daring observation and probe, the bud started to develop and blossom, especially after an unexpected six-hour telephone conversation, the romance courier.

That was a weekend evening, around seven thirty when I was about to go outside to kill time, the phone of my dorm rang suddenly. I picked it up. It was Lynn.

“I’m not feeling very well. Now I just wanna find someone to have a chat. Could you be kind enough to accompany me for a while?”

“My pleasure” was my reply. I didn’t know why it’s so popular to feel bad since the rapid circulation and distribution of The First Intimate Touch, which was recommended by Lynn who gave me one copy of the novel which was just on my desk. But this was good for me; it could even be called a breakthrough because she was coming to me on her own initiative. Where could I find such a marvelous chance? It was more than half success. To make full use of the chance I should strike the iron while it’s hot. “I come to your dorm or we go outside to find a private place?”

“No, thanks. It’s a bit cold today. I prefer to stay at my dorm to have a phone conversation with you. Are you willing to do so?”

“Yes, I am. Er, what makes you feel bad? I’m getting a bit puzzled, for you seem to be a very sociable guy.”

The response was tremendous. She began to tell me something that was bothering her. She talked on and on, most of the time I was only a patient listener. This was enough because there always exists a moment when all of us just want to find someone who is willing to be a kind listener. As long as they are willing to be a listener we will be feeling quite better, even though they may not be able to completely understand us. The monologue itself is capable of unbuttoning the hard knot in the heart that had been haunting forever.

Two hours later, we started the second round of the conversation. “Thank you for your kindness. I am feeling much better”, said Lynn.

“In fact it is me who should thank you. Thank you for trusting me and let me share your inner world. To be honest, it’s not an easy thing to enjoy such a wonderful time nowadays. What’s more, as I told you before, since you are definitely a unique girl, I’m interested in you and I’d like to know more about you. Could you tell me something before you CAMe to Yeah International? Of course you can only tell me things that you feel safe once they are uncovered, for we have to learn how to protect us by masking anything that may have any negative effects over us, though at the same time we have to try our best to be as honest as possible. For example, hard as you may try, you may never be able to 100% understand me because everyone can only uncover just one or two aspects of me; nobody is able to piece together all parts of me. And you know, only when putting all of them together I can be what I am. I am the case, you are the case, and everyone is the case. But life is short and hard. If possible we should try to find some friends who can frankly talk about work, study, life, anything that makes us happy or sad. Otherwise, how can we seek the real meaning of life? How can we pursue the every bit of happiness of life everyone should enjoy?”

“Er, Mike”, she paused for a moment on the other end of the phone, “I didn’t know you were a guy who knew something about life. When I just graduated from college, I was assigned to a big state-owned company. The work and life was poor, simple, a bit stale but stable. A piece of newspaper plus a cup of tea ushered the beginning of a workday, and then some routines done in the office. After work some people were busy at playing Mahjong. Shopping and sometimes Karaoke were my pastime. But the miserable monthly salary often promoted them to be a sort of luxury. Therefore shopping was in most cases actually window-shopping, and Karaoke was not that ok. In a word, the day was just tastelessly repeated. The only exception was that some good-hearted aunts would one day come up to me to try uselessly to arrange some dates for me.”

(To Be Continued)

One day after work, I CAMe to her dorm without an appointment; she was just sitting on the side of her bed reading an essay called On Spiritual Sustenance.

 “Hi, Mike. This is a very good essay. Could you be kind enough to translate it into English?” She continued her reading after opening the door.

“No problem, a piece of cake.”

“A piece of iron, too hard to eat, I’m afraid.” She was quite cold, “This is not some scientific and technical articles you’re quite familiar with. It’s about life and mind, which are violent, subtle and intangible. Understand?”

“Yeah, perhaps. Could I have a look?”

“Here you are.”

She handed me the essay. My God, it’s terrifically beautiful. The train of the writer was so nimble while the inner voice was just like an echo generator, so penetrating and far reaching. The second and third passage reads:

The so-called spiritual sustenance is absolutely something private, which belongs to the deep of your soul. It doesn’t indicate anything great, or any ambitious goals; it is just your spiritual private space, your small port where your soul can rest, your castle to escape from secular disturbing activities, and a secret garden where you can find yourself and communicate with your soul.

A person who knows how to deal with life must know how to create a private small world where there is no disturbance at all, where you can dream of what you want, do what you want to do, avoid anything you want to avoid, and escape from anything you want to escape. The small world is the very place where you can entrust your soul and find what you really are. To entrust your soul to something is not a passive escape. Instead, it is a dynamic build-up of strength and energy. A celebrity says, “I rest in order to work”. So do we. Let our soul have a rest to heal its wounds suffered during its secular journey, then start to rush about again.

“Ah, you’re right. This really is a piece of iron, too hard to eat at the moment. And it can’t be eaten as fast food. But I think I can tackle it. I don’t know if I can make a good translation, but I wanna have a try for me as well as you. Give me some time. Ok?”

She nodded.

…

Several days later, I gave her my translation of the essay. Because of this essay, I suddenly found something new from Lynn. From then on, I had genuinely begun to pay a special attention to her. And I have come to realize that I was falling love with her, in spite of the fact that I was not certain if Lynn would accept my offer.

(To Be Continued)

1

From Encounter to Intimacy

Life is short, life is beautiful. With the help of a magnifying glass, non-VIPs’ trifles can be digital videoed and replayed. Beautiful things may then be reflected, just like a beam of sunshine turning into colorful threads thanks to the magic work of a prism. What I’m going to share with you is just such a beam of sunshine.  

During the 90’s of the last century, state-owned companies were still the synonym of stability. Like most of the graduates of that time, I felt quite relieved when I was employed by a small state-owned company. My family was also proud of my working at a state-owned company, which was far away from my hometown, a remote village. But the pride was gradually tarnished by the swelling purses of some of the villagers who were boldly seeking their fortunes in South China, the Pearl River Delta. Compared with them, my light purse in the gossip of the whole village made my heart heavy. It beCAMe heavier and heavier every time I went back to my hometown during the annual Spring Festival. At long last, with the belief that I may be another jeans maker I made a big decision to come to Guangdong Province where the prime time of the gold rush was over.

Having worked in the Pearl River Delta for several years, I haven’t made a big fortune yet, but I have met Lynn, a unique girl. And the acquaintance and intimacy with her may be a sort of compensation arranged by god, or rather, the herald of my good fortune.

Now it’s time to project the close-up of Lynn. She is a girl horribly afraid of getting fat, in fond of hot and spicy dishes, which are often accompanied by some famous brand of capsules with the aim to prevent the possible attack of whelks. She also likes music and pop songs. And she claims that she is a would-be singer, for she is surely the focus of a party once it’s highlighted by Karaoke.

Our encounter was destined, at least I think so. But when it occurred, I didn’t pay much attention to her. At that time, I was just employed by Yeah International and was to be trained by her who was the ERP administrator of the company. Except some know-how of using an ERP system to do production planning and scheduling; we didn’t talk about anything that was related to romance. It’s so undramatic that I can’t remember what our first greetings were, perhaps just simply saying “Hi” and routine self-introductions.

One or two weeks later, after work several young guys of us who had just got acquainted with one another often gathered together drinking beers and having subjectless conversations. Of course girls in the company were our never-ending topics. During those conversations, I was once challenged to tease and chase Lynn. Then I began to keep an eye on her and tried to make chances to get close to her. But I didn’t need to make any excuses to have a chat with her. My work was closely linked with hers. To make sure that I was able to use the ERP system to plan and schedule production ASAP, I had to work extremely hard. And she was really a pretty excellent mentor.

Though she was smart enough to quickly uncover my additional intention of turning to her, she rarely declined me. Sometimes she even came to me to ask for a hand (but not MY hand at the moment)! Why did she come to me? I didn’t know exactly and it was not important. It’s also nearly impossible to guess, for as a pop song puts it, don’t guess in vain what’s in a girl’s mind. As long as she is willing to come to you and you don’t dislike her, it’s good.

(To Be Continued)